Dear Kat,
I heard a song with that line in it yesterday, and I can't stop thinking of it. Sometimes I feel like that, dressing up all my stupidity and everything I'm lacking with a fancy haircut and this outward smile. I sure felt like that yesterday. I'll have to call you to tell you about work. It was... challenging.
I understand the odd feeling. I don't know if you remember, but in the month before my wedding, I was feeling the same thing. Events were moving rapidly, and I was feeling, well, not exactly overwhelmed but a bit removed from what was occurring, and I had to do the same thing that you're doing, think small.
As for the vows, they will come to you. I put off writing mine until the day before, because every time I'd think about it, I had something so saccharine or words that fell flat. I ended up just being simple, being straightforward, being honest, and telling him what I told my friends about marrying him.
As your wedding draws closer, I hope there is more I can do to help. To be honest, I feel like I've done nothing, and that others have been of so much assistance. I've been your best friend for over 12 years! Maybe we can sit and talk, the weekend you come to Bellingham, and we'll go over some details and see what I or Carly can do to help you out, okay?
I am very excited for our trip. Every day I think of something else I'm looking forward to about being there. Carly and I leave in 19 days!
To be honest, I'm selfishly glad you're not going to Korea. I feel like there is so much we keep saying "we'll do that later" and then because of our schedules and the tendancy we both have to procrastinate, we put off things we'd like to do or see together. I was worried about you being overseas when big things happen, like when I get pregnant or John and I buy a house. The next big trip I want to take is our Europe trip or to New Zeland to visit Dan and Courtney, and I can't imagine doing either of those without you by my side.
Looking towards the future is good, but as a word of advice, I will say this: Your plan to look at the small things for right now is a solid one. You have a huge trip and a huge life changing event on the horizon. You'll still be here when you are done with it, and the future will still be waiting. Take the time to just enjoy this journey, and when this beginning has settled you will instantly be able to see other paths and opportunities as the fog clears.
Did you know my Oma's name is also Rita? I'm so sorry your Grandma won't be there with you, Kat. There's not much I can say to ease that ache, other than I know what you're feeling. My Great Gramma Lona (the one who lived with us, and the Gramma I was closest to) died a couple of years after High School, and I still miss her every day. I'm sad that neither her or Opa got to meet John, I know they both would have enjoyed him so much.
I need to get running. I have my show tonight at the Wild Buffalo, and I need to finish this last bag and get all the hand sewing gathered together. I work from 11:30 to 7, and then go straight to set up. John is being a gem, putting my display together for me today and cutting up my business cards and making tags for my items. He had me show him last night what I want him to do, and he's taking care of it today so that I could focus on crafting last night. He's also taking Hilary to test drive cars before she goes to work today, so his first day off is pretty much taken up doing things for our little family. He's been really supportive of me basically locking myself in my sewing room for the last week, and he wants to know each step of what I'm doing and how he can help. Sometimes he really stretches my patience, but the majority of the time I can easily see why I fell in love with him and continue to do so every day. He's cooking me bacon when he wakes up. What more can a girl ask for?
Wish me luck tonight, Kat. I'll post and let you know how it went!
Love,
Opie
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