Dear Kat,

I added you on Flickr. I saw that you had called me today, and I didn't have the energy to call you back. We went down to Mom and Dad's, and while there I was having a horrible allergy attack. My mom gave me some Benedryl, and that pretty much knocked me out for the duration of the visit. I COULD NOT wake up. They all tried to wake me several times. I'd swim towards consciousness and drift right back down into coma-like sleep.

I have lots to tell you, but the words are all bunged up right now. After a lovely few days of getting along with no disagreements and perfect harmony, John picked a fight with me about New York and money again tonight when we got home (what else is there for us to fight about these days) and we're both in bed, angry. I am hitting a brick wall in explaining this to him, and I am almost to the point of just giving up and saying "Fuck It" on this subject. It's hard, because it's hurting me, and taking the enjoyment of anticipation away from me.

I will be writing more tomorrow, but for now, I'll leave you with this thought. I got my mother's button tin today when I visited. As long as I can remember, all of my mother's buttons have been in a dusty grayish blue tin with geese on the top. She brought it out when we were talking about how I had gotten rid of my button collection, and told me I was welcome to it. Some of the buttons are junk, some are plain, and some are quite unique, but my favorites are the ones still on cards from the 30's, with prices like $.29 on them for 4 beautiful buttons, and my great grandmother's scribbles on the back. Usually, there is only 1 left on the card, and the spaces where the other buttons sat are discolored from the rest of the piece of cardstock. I can't wait to show them to you.

I have the new Bloc Party CD running through my head. My new favorite song is called "The Prayer" and it is pretty much on constant repeat in my brain later. "Lord give me grace/and dancing feet/and the power to impress...... Tonight make me unstoppable and I will charm I will slice I will dazzle you with my wit // Tonight make me unstoppable and I will charm I will slice I will dazzle I will outshine you all" It makes me feel ever so slightly badass and a bit cocky for what I've had the audacity to start.

I thought about you and about how our lives have changed while driving through Seattle towards home, tonight. I wish I could have stopped and sat and had tea for a bit, but John had to get home to sleep. To be fair, I'm still so drugged with the Benedryl, I may not have been able to keep my eyes open in any case. I just wanted to sit and listen to some Deathcab with you and talk about where we've come from and where we are going, and how we'll be with each other along each one of those steps.

I miss you a great deal, tonight. Hug yourself for me, okay?

Love,
Opie